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“Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I’m a 38 year old man. It worked. FML.”

“Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me: “Do that thing you did at the Halloween party.” There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn’t go with her to the party. FML.”

“Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying “I’m his uncle, send tit pics.” She did. FML.”